"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it..." (James 4)
Date nights aren't always all fun and games. In fact, as I've just written in a section of my book it is necessary to have the tough conversations over dinner in order to get to a place perhaps where you can fully enjoy one another again. In a most recent date with my hubby as we rode in the car to dinner, I agonized about whether or not to have a conversation with him that had been on my heart for some time. I kept saying "oh I can do it later. I don't want to ruin our date!" Well, God wouldn't let me chicken out because through prayer and fasting God gave me the tools (specific verses) I needed to have the tough conversation and as the lion mustered up the courage to face the wizard so would I! aaaaaaaaa! I hate conflict- don't you? Here's the deal though... through my preparation what I was reminded of were three things: One, my approach is everything! Two, my approach is everything! And Three, why my approach is everything! My approach is never about me approaching my husband in a way that gets him to give me what I want, but my approach is about showing my husband how much I love and respect him. When we approach our spouses as God says " to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit and to consider others better than yourselves, to be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to become angry and to clothe ourselves in humility," then we are communicating our hurts in love not just our hurts. Satan wanted me to think that having a tough conversation over dinner would ruin our date, but he was wrong once again and in the end after a few soggy napkins it proved to be exactly what our date needed. Don't be afraid of the tough conversation... saturate yourself in the word and prayer and if your led, to fasting. Lastly, remember that the tongue is a "restless evil full of deadly poison" just like Satan. It doesn't take much to ruin a relationship with our tongues. For some, it already has. Get back to loving and start taking responsibility for your marriage. Allow your approach to be willing to listen -more than your will to be heard. "Submit to one another out of reverance for Christ" not because your spouse "deserves it" but because Christ does! :)
Scripture references: James 3:8,James1:19,Philippians2:3-4,col3:12 Eph5:21
Jeremiah 29:13 " Seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart"
3 comments:
Sara - so true and wise words you have! I have been there myself when the Holy Spirit prompts you to have that difficult conversation with someone - and our pre-marital counselor always told us that the Truth is never optional but timing and METHOD are!! Can't wait for the book!
It's my first time at your blog. I found it through facebook, and glad that I landed here. Love the topic!
I especially love the last part where we do it because we love God, not because our spouse appreciates it. Many times they do, but the challenge lies in those moments that they don't deserve our respect. That's when we need to humble ourselves before God and walk a sacrificial life.
WOW! Sara, this is amazing! I never thought about it like this. Thanks you so much for this I will be in more prayer and even fasting before I approch Jacob about a matter that is real important!
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