I haven't blogged in sometime and actually it's been good for me. I've really gained a whole new perspective on why I'm blogging in the first place. It's not about self promotion, really, but in all honesty, I felt more like I had to blog to promote myself and my ideas because I'm writing a book and starting a ministry. But now, I've discovered the want to! I realize that I have the potential to reach more people and impact more lives through this blog than any thing I write in paperback and even anything I get to share on stage. Ok, so now that I've gotten that off my chest I want to spark a real conversation about what's real! :) And I need your help because our Jesus loving hearts are being deceived. It's time to come together as believers and start encouraging and holding each other accountable- don't yah think? I love being held accountable. I love getting rid of the yuk that builds inside my heart because it's what dilutes my spirit. So let's engage in a heart conversation...
Question? How is your marriage? Are you feeling all squirmy inside? A little uncomfy with that questions? Yea, I know. Who is going to respond honestly about their marriage when everyone can read it. I get it! But so what! We don' t have perfect marriages, there are some that are struggling and then some really good ones. But we have to talk about it in order to get better! I guess the important place to start is to ask yourself what are you going to do about it? Wait on Him? Wait on Her? I guess the issue is if we want things to be better then we have to get to the root. We have to start with our hearts- not that thing that keeps our blood flowing, but really that thing inside that drives us. It is the thing that compels us to act and to love.
Here in Charleston, there is a Love and Respect marriage conference coming and I started thinking - will it really help our marriages? I guess for some of us we just need a spark which is just a little reminder of what full submission to one another out of reverence for Christ looks like but for others of us it won't ignite anything. We feel way too defeated and probably are going because our friends invited us and we find ourselves pretending again with " hey I got it altogether." It happens right! Even in the good marriages we don't always feel mushy gushy for each other, but there is a real love commitment there, but for others of us it's deeper than that and there is pain- Real pain! So, is a marriage conference focusing on what we as Christians need to do according to God's word going to help? Anytime we apply God's teachings to our lives we are blessed, but will it ignite that spark where an absolute explosion will occur in our marriages? How do we really gain that spark back? This is a date night blog after all, so shouldn't I be promoting more dates? Maybe it's having more sex or more communication, more laughs? What is the real solution? These things definitely contribute don't they? But it's still not enough- why? It's a hard but simple truth to answer...
But, my answer is this- We have to get back to the basics!! And start with the basic question? Who is at the center of our hearts? Really be honest with yourself. Who or what do you talk and think about all of the time? Is it your spouse? Shouldn't it be your spouse? Actually, I hope not! Yep- you heard me. If your spouse is at the center of your heart then there lies the problem. See this marriage conference will be helpful but only to those who have this right. If your like me at some point you've found yourself building up frustration and anger waiting on your spouse to "come around" to fill that yearning that says " I need more." We've built a foundation based on what our spouse is and isn't giving us. Bottom line- We have allowed our spouses to replace Jesus in our hearts!
That's it!!! See I told you it was a hard but simple truth! Where is God? God knew that everything would compete with Him for our hearts and Paul even talks about our hearts becoming divided when we get married, but the problems occurs because we really never gave God our whole heart in the first place, or maybe your like me and you let a shift occur not realizing it. Either way you have to ask yourself the tough question because God did not design our spouses or any other human to replace that heart relationship that we are suppose to have with Him first. (Matt 22:37-40) Love, God with all our heart and then love your neighbor ( spouse). Our love for Jesus has to be at the heart of who we are if we want to ignite an absolute fire in our marriages. So is He? I'm serious. Y'all we have to get this. We have marriages failing and or setting a horrible example of what "loving Christian" marriages look like because maybe we just aren't really all that in love with the one who created marriage in the first place.
I can only speak from experience. There is no way I can write a blog about something that I haven't experienced. That goes against everything Jesus taught in " taking the plank out of your own eye and then you can see clearly to help others.( Matt 7:5). When I first married Chuck, we were Christians so I figured it's all going to be great- right! Sparks all over the place. Then the sparks weren't as consistent and I was feeling more of the ashes. He was burning out working all of the time and I had my deal going on with teaching and coaching etc. and then I kept feeling frustrated and the date nights were creating some sparks but something was missing-That blazing fire!! you know what I'm saying? What had happened? I had given my husband my whole heart and it shouldn't be this way! But that was it exactly! While laying in bed one night frustrated, I heard the quiet voice from the Holy Spirit say "Sara, make me your heart not your husband." I was then reminded of the several times in scripture where God says, "Seek me with all your heart, search for me as looking for silver, etc. I couldn't believe my realization- "I had replaced my love for God with my love for my husband- ouchy!! And instead of viewing him as this gift to enjoy life with, he had become my life. No wonder I was all over the place, no wonder my feelings of the day were being dictated on what he had done for me or said to me that day. No wonder I was a wreck and my cries were- help me God I'm in pain! I don't totally feel loved by my husband today." Why, because he didn't tell me that I looked beautiful a million times, or oh, He only told me twice that he loved me today, ha ha. Girls! We are crazy! I know men, you are thanking me, But that's what happens when we put our spouses in the place of where God should be. It's that constant nagging and expectation" to fill me up today!" I'm so glad I let God get a hold of me So, I did what any crazy person in love would do. I would put all my energies into getting to know my Jesus all over again. I'd study His word intently asking the hard questions such as, where do I fall way short and what do I need to do and I even asked different women to disciple me! I became a sponge! I didn't have time to think about all of the things I wasn't "getting" from my husband, and really started experiencing God at a whole new level- the place my husband would never fill. " I was experiencing that daily bread thing Jesus was talking about. That thing I couldn't live with out, that one thing I really looked forward to in the am. Today, Jesus may have used " coffee" instead of bread because we can't seem to live with out that- all you coffee drinkers. ha! But that's what it's like. You love him so much that he is what you look forward to and it is the thing that necessitates your day. Seriously though, Today, I am more equipped to love my husband as Christ loves me and the flip side is as I was seeking the Lord I saw God working in my husband's life and now he and I both are ignited by His love for us, and even in our toughest challenges we still manage to keep the fire burning. Friends, here's the deal! It's not complicated. We have to get back to the basics of our faith. When we get that right then our true love for the Lord will create the spark that will ignite an absolute explosion in our marriages. I hope you feel encouraged!! Please share your story... others need to be encouraged by the your authentic struggle in keeping God as the focus of your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13 " Seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart"
